What I was thinking when I heard that Gatsby had died...

When I heard the terrible news that Gatsby was killed, I immediately blamed myself. Finding out that George Wilson was the one who killed him made me feel even worse. All I could really think about was the fact that the person who really understood me was gone. I would never get him back. I couldn't help but think all of this was my fault. Gatsby died, because he took the blame for what I had done to Myrtle. All of the memories Gatsby and I had together started to pour into my mind. I started to think about the extravagant day he had planned for me the morning we had tea together at Nick's house. I had lost something that can never be replaced. I lost a love that was pure and real, because I was selfish and let him take the blame for what I had done. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for what I had done, and I know I will never forget my true love, Jay Gatsby.

Why I didn't go to Gatsby's Funeral..

The main reasons why I didn't return Nick's phone calls or went to Gatsby's funeral was primarily because of Tom. Ever since Tom found out about the affair I was having with Gatsby, he had become very controlling and protective over me. Although Tom was being extremely controlling, we weren't even in town at the time of his funeral. Well, we were on our way out. To be honest, if it would have been up to me, I would have been at the funeral, with Nick. Jay deserved something better, but since he took the blame for what I had done to Myrtle, everyone turned on him. I couldn't bring myself to realize how selfish I was in letting him do that for me.

What I was feeling when I heard that Jay died..

On the day that I heard that Jay was killed, I immediately felt like a small piece of me died. Although Jay and I just recently rekindled our relationship, he will forever be a part of me. When I heard the news, I felt as if my world was crumbling beneath me. I couldn't help but feel that my life would never really be the same. In the short couple days I had spent with him before he had died, I felt as if I was on cloud nine. With this news, I felt as though my life had no meaning. I felt as if I couldn't go on, but I couldn't show how badly this affected me because of Tom. All I wanted to was for Gatsby to be back, holding me tight and consoling me, but I knew I would never be able to have one of those moments again. What I felt that day, was probably one of the worst feelings I have ever had. Words cannot begin to describe what or how I was feeling. What really made my heart tremble was the fact that I would never be able to hold Jay or kiss him again. The last words I said to him were not even meaningful, and in fact, I do not even remember them. I hope that I will never, ever feel this way again, and I would not wish this feeling on anyone. Not even my biggest enemy.

Why I cried when I saw Gatsby's shirts..

On the first day I had met back up with Jay, we had an extravagant day. It was honestly one of the best days I have had in a long time. I was feeling so many different emotions. I was so happy I was with Jay, but I also felt a little guilty. When I was in Jay's room and I saw all of his shirts, I couldn't help but cry. Seeing how beautiful they were really had a little bit of an impact on my emotions, but it was more that I was just feeling such a variety of emotions. I think I was overwhelmed with everything, and with the though that I may have just fallen back in love with Jay. Jay was probably thinking I was insane, because it looked as if I was crying over his shirts, but in reality, I was crying because I was thinking about everything I was feeling that day. I knew I loved Jay and I knew I loved Tom. The question was who did I love. I knew the answer was Jay, but I just didn't want to admit it.

What I was thinking when Nick mentioned Gatsby for the First Time...

When Nick came over, he was talking to Jordan about living in West Egg. Jordan mentioned how she had once been to West Egg for a party, Jay Gatsby's party. Nick mentioned how he is actually neighbors with Mr. Gatsby and has seen his extravagant parties. When I heard this, I immediately thought of our past memories we have had together. He was truly the love of my life. I kept thinking about what it would be like to be back with him, to be in a happy and committed relationship, unlike the one I have with Tom. I kept thinking about the relationship we had before he had to go off to war. Gatsby treated me like no other person I had ever been with, and I can't help but think what my life would be like now if he had come back for the war for me. Just thinking about Gatsby made me go into a fantasy world. The way he treated me was like a fairy tale. I couldn't help but think about what my life would have been like if I married him instead of Tom. Jay Gatsby was one of a kind.

What I was feeling when I hit Myrtle....

Jay decided to let me drive home from New York, because I was feeling nervous for some reason. He thought it would calm my nerves to drive. I hadn't drove in a while, so I was trying to figure out how to work his car properly. When Gatsby and I were driving together, Myrtle jumped in the middle of the road; I immediately felt nervous.When I hit her, I didn't quite realize what I had done so I continued to drive. When I realized what I had done, I did not know what to do. The only thing I really could do was continue driving and crying to Gatsby. I felt like my world had ended and I could not believe what I had just done. Although my husband had been cheating on me with Myrtle, this did not mean that I wanted her dead. I was feeling extremely nervous and anxious, and it didn't hep that Jay was sitting next to me. I honestly cannot express the feelings I had that day. It was everything you can imagine but 100x worse.